When we got home from our Rediscovery Trip this weekend my husband told my mom, "Ashley's back". I've been buried for a long time. Life sucked me dry... and then punched me in the face and left me on the floor. I didn't think I'd ever be able to get back up. I'm getting up, but standing differently than I was before. Experiencing life differently than I was before. It's almost like after breaking me, the universe is giving me this weird, unwanted gift that I hate that I'm experiencing, but that I'm also grateful to have. It's a gift of new eyes, and feeling and living life in a completely uncharted way. We passed our family anniversary this weekend. The one we've celebrated, the four of us, the past four years. We gave the day we became a family it's own birthday because you can't just not celebrate magic like that. The celebration this year was different. It was internal. It was quiet. It was full of gratitude, and so much pain. Yet it was good, because it all meant that I was blessed to be a mother in the first place, and I'd do it all again even knowing the outcome. That sums up my new feelings on life every day. Im grateful, Im happy to be alive, and I'm in pain. And the simple moments that hurt a little less than the others... man alive... they are so dang beautiful.