Right after she overshot her last jump Dad did his due diligence and had a talk with Meilani about her potty mouth. A little talk was all she needed to straightened her right out and she never said it again. Or did she ........ #thisparentingthingisfullofsurprises
30% of the comments will be about what a bad parent I am for her potty mouth. Another 30% will be about the orbs in the video. 20% will be about why we have our tv in that stupid spot on the wall. 10% will be about helmet safety and the final 10% will be weird, indecipherable ramblings. #yepyouhearditright#fuckingkillingit#100%ofmedoesntcarewhatyouthink #exceptthetv#donttalkaboutmytv
I don’t follow many celebs. I think I follow that girl that literally made a career out of bouncing her ass up and down and I follow my wife cause I see her more naked on her social than I do in real life but every time I stumble on a veteran, especially wounded warriors I always give them a follow cause in my book they are real hero’s and my family and I appreciate them and their sacrifice and service. Oh and most of them are in better shape than me and have a ridiculously positive out look on life. @derick_carver tagged me in this. I made his top 3, he made my top 2. Don’t know these people but I love following their journey @derekweida @ssgtravismills @crispy11b @kirstie_ennis Just to name a few. So many I’m sure I don’t follow but I will. Thank you for your service to our country and my family.
Just the next chapter in our story. In case you missed it, it goes something like this. 2010 two selfish assholes meet each other in a bar, the two begin to date and continue to party hard, it isn’t all cupcakes and unicorns, neither takes any shit and both are use to running the show. 3 years in they get engaged, still no shit taking and not a unicorn to be seen, a year later they have their first child out of wedlock just to piss off traditional people and party with Satan a bit more. 2015 they get married and announce they are pregnant with a son, probably fought at the wedding.2015 to present they remain vigilant and defy the odds of reality tv, flawed personalities, alpha demeanors, hot tempers and an inferior penis and remain married while raising their two children to the best of their abilities while still butting heads over the dumbest shit. 2018 one has a mid life crisis and flies to Miami with old friends and leaves said husband for a really jacked dude from the club named Billy Bad Ass that can flex his pec muscles to the tune of Jingle Bells. Ok. I made that last part up. Blessed to have what we have and grateful for it. Mom makes much of that happen. Love you Mom. (She won’t even see this for a month cause they aren’t allowed cell phones so if you see her in the club please recite this entire post to her by memory, scream it as loud as you possibly can while dancing like a complete idiot to hold her attention and focus)
Mornings with the Mathews. Wish i recorded dinner with the Mathews. Hibachi was a bad choice. When our chef did the big, flaming centerpiece of hell fire thingy you would have swore he lit Meilani on fire. Haven’t heard screaming like that since the first time I stood naked in front of my wife in a well lit room. Ruined the dinners of many nice people. We acted like we were deaf. Hear no evil, see no evil.
What I see. A 42 year old trying to stay in shape and not get fat. What my wife will say when I get home from the gym. “You think you’re cool with your shirtless pics ? Well your not. You’re fucking old, you have stewed tomato nipples, legs are too small and ever since you got your umbilical hernia fixed your belly button looks like a parking garage for double decker busses. Keep your shirt on fuck face, ain’t no one want to see that.” The girl tells it like it is and I respect her for it. #shouldhaveneverfixedmybellybutton#fuckyoudadforthesenipples#ormaybemom
In the world of fake news why would I think I’m exempt ? My pal Jionni wrote what I thought was a very well thought out post about why he is not participating in the New Jersey Shore Family Vacation. I simply wrote a comment about how much I respected his choice as well as Sammi’s choice to not participate in filming. This wacko reporter with the IQ of a June bug prints an article about how I “serve up some shade” and out him because I spelled Sammi’s name with a Y instead of an I. Implying that I was naming some alleged mistress of his. Total shit. Anyway as someone who has survived reality tv I know exactly where he is coming from. It was “assumed” from day one the husbands and children were part of this project because our wives signed contracts. All i can tell you is this. In the coming weeks whatever you hear or see you can always come here for real honesty. My main purpose in life is one of a dedicated father. Let the chips fall where they may. Stay tuned.
When your always on the go you improvise. I was sitting in my driveway when this pic was taken cause Jenni refused to ride on the hood to take this picture while on the highway. She can never make the claim that she is my “Ride or die”. The point is you can use your @Pranamat set almost anywhere and can still feel the #pranamat prickly lotuses working even through your jeans. (It is preferable however to do it on bare skin) Again Jenni refused to ride on the hood and photograph me naked. She’s becoming a real Diva. #ad#pranamat#healthyliving
Little cousin @ktenan12 asked me if it is ok to post this pic on his Grindr account so if you see me on there it’s for the guy on the left. Also wanted me to mention he will be at the glory hole spot on the Garden State parkway this Friday night between 12am-3am or until he’s full he said. Not even sure what that means. This whole thing weirds me out but I owe him for a lost Super Bowl bet he reminded me. Debt paid. Wash your hands before you ever touch my kids again. #dmhimpicsofyourjunk#26vs42
My parents didn’t have a lot of money and use to take me to a water theme park called the laundromat so I could enjoy this ride. They would save their quarters up for months just to take my sister and I. She didn’t like the pool so she went in the dryer ride. Always came out with a nice tan and a black eye. Well I’m proud to say that we have made it and own our very own mini water park in our house. Ps- zero chance he’s wearing a helmet on this ride. (Who’s waiting for the morbid parent police to take this serious and tell me kids drowning in washer machines is a real thing and I should be ashamed. Well, I’m not. ) #damnmachinekeptsayingunbalanceoadandshuttingoff
I honestly don’t know where she picked this expression up. I’m sure we have said it before but it’s not like our go to expression. Lemme translate for you and build you the scenario. Meilani is jumping from the ottoman center table to the other cushion ottoman. It’s like her favorite thing to do. And no we don’t make her wear a helmet for that either for you snowflakes. Meilani after jump #1. “I just fucking kill it”. Jenni “I don’t know what your saying?” Meilani after jump #2. “I just fucking kill it Mommy”. Jenni - “MEILANI !!!!!!!!!” Meilani “Sorry Mommy” None of this would have happened if she was wearing a helmet. Parenting fail ? We’re gonna chalk it up in the win column. #wedowhatwewant
Sometimes as parents we have to recognize our mistakes and realize strangers from all over the country with a smart phone know better than us how to raise our children. It was pointed out to us that Meilani should be wearing a helmet by numerous pretentious helicopter moms from different areas all over the country who have identified us as the unfit parents that we are. Mostly out of disgust and self loathing we called in the local police to radar Meilanis speed. At one point down hill she reached almost 4 mph and set a solid attempt at a land speed record. Realizing the error of my ways I ran down to Bobs discount sporting goods to buy Meilani a helmet but they were around $100 and she has a $77 limit on any body part. Being the improvisers we are, we realized we had left over bubble wrap from Christmas so we wrapped all the trees and objects in the backyard. Think we paid about $149 per tree so we needed to protect the higher dollar investment. My wife and I would like to take this time to apologize to absolutely fucking no body. Bubbies big ass is going down the water slide tomorrow in a toboggan and speedo. #wedowhatwewant
Quick, candid video of how @eatcleanbro delivery service works. Great company, great food, great owners, great delivery team. Great balls of fire. Sorry. Just seemed like one more great was needed. The best part didn’t make the video. Right after I turned the phone off and Meilani stopped raiding the cooler we leave out front full of snacks for the delivery guys, Chris told me he’s expecting a baby girl in July. My instant reaction was to yell at him to “Put a fucking helmet on that kid” but I thought that was brash and just congratulated him instead. They deliver to my 95 year old grandmother too. She said and I quote “Raja, their food is exquisite. I just love Eat Well Bro.” #eatcleanbro#notanad#aparentlymygramthinksimindian
Bumper sticker on the snowmobile reads “Fuck the Police” . The bumper stickers on the parent police car says “I’m with her” and “My husband is so miserable he is poisoning himself with arsenic “. The chase ended shortly after it started when Barb the superior officer asked her training partner Flo if it was safe to drive in the snow without wearing medieval suits of armor.