Last week I was telling my therapist how I wanted to write a more accurate book about grief- that helps others process their grief instead of conforming to our culture of avoidance and fake “strength” in moving on, and talks about appropriate ways to respond to others grieving, that doesn’t point to silver linings or “a reason for everything” bullshit, that is real about grief and the various ways it may look or lengths it may last, that is useful to clinicians and any human being experiencing life and relation to others... The next day, a random google search lead me to this book and I’m like, YES. THIS. IS. IT. @refugeingrief has already done the work and so well. I’m so glad that it is out there to normalize what grief really is. Because once you’re in grief (and/or work with it professionally), you realize how uncomfortable it is for so many around you. And that breaks my heart, it only creates disconnection. Anyways, buy it.
They say it gets better with time but I can’t stop thinking about if you would have my eyes, your daddies smile and your big brothers personality. I find myself thinking about all the firsts we didn’t get to share. I miss the baby you would have been. I’m sorry we never got the chance. #misscarriage#earlymiscarriage#pregnancyloss#1in4
We have a spot or two still available for tomorrow’s “Resilience After Loss” mini -retreat for women who have experienced pregnancy and/or infant loss. To register: https://0x.co/3J9BHQ or email firstname.lastname@example.org Read on for original post by @ihadamiscarriage ・・・ @pandafreckles shares: I was one of those women who thought I would never experience a pregnancy loss. _ Sometimes I feel like I was punished for being so naive. _ We tried for a year for our 2nd. When it FINALLY happened we were so happy. We told our families and our friends. Ryan kissed my belly every night and said "good night baby, daddy and mommy love you!" and we did. _ Queue the bleeding. The worry. Then the last tinge of hope being burned out by the savage pain of cramps and more blood, as your body rids you of something you've already felt so much love for. _ Queue the broken hearts. The pain, emptiness, and never ending tears. The anger. _ Queue people not knowing what to say when you tell them you're no longer pregnant. _ It's been 3 years. Every year on the day we lost the baby we buy flowers to remember, not that I'd ever forget. I'm still not ok, life goes on whether you are or not. There is now a piece of me gone that died with our baby, and I know I'll never be whole again. I've accepted this, and with that I've learned the harsh lesson that sometimes life isn't going to go the way you expect, just because you assume it will. But with time, I've also learned that it's ok to not be alright. You push on, because that is what you have to do. _ #ihadamiscarriage#miscarriage#grief#loss#pregnancyafterloss#1in4 // Art by @tinamariaelena.
This week someone told me how big I am “already”. I just said “yeah I know” 🤷🏻♀️🙄. It’s pretty weird how when you are pregnant people make comments about your body size. Can you imagine if you walked up to someone and said “wow you look like you gained so much weight since the last time I saw you!” Don’t think it would go over well haha. With my two kids I wasn’t too big and I got a lot of comments that I was “small” so this popping out like crazy is new to me. I’ve decided i am totally embracing it. I had 4 miscarriages last year. I went through a lot of pain and grief to get to this point. This is my 8th pregnancy. If my body wants to be huge then so be it (even tho I’ve gained only like 2 lbs so far). This is my first bump pic 12 + 3. I am SO happy to be pregnant with a baby that is thriving. ❤️🌈🙌🏻 #pregnancy#rainbowbaby#pregnancyafterloss#1in4#proudofmybody#growbabygrow
At 35 weeks she was the size of a marrow. A marrow that was set on escaping the vegetable draw at every turn. A marrow that I never dared think would be anything - a someone - other than a little marrow. There is a relentless Golden Retriever-esque positivity here sometimes and I can’t apologise for that - nor is anyone asking me to - because to have a child is an absolute privilege. There’s no way of tarting it up with long words and poetic flourishes. However Weetabix-splattered the mornings, tantrum-filled the lunches and relentlessly mind numbing (“Mamaaaaaa, mamaaaaa I want milk in the pink bottle NOT the purple bottle; Mamaaaa there’s a toast crumb on my pillow and I can’t sleep because it is hurting my ear”) the evenings, it’s easy to forget that element of luck #parentingtheshitoutoflife#motherpukka#babylossawareness#1in4 @tommys_thebabycharity
I was flipping through Eric’s old photos and found this. It makes me so emotional seeing myself successfully pregnant. We went through two miscarriages, a loss at 16wks of a little boy and another pregnancy at 6 weeks of what looked to be multiples. My first loss was heartbreaking. I was in excruciating pain at night for almost a week. Little did I know, I was in labor. Finally I delivered a tiny helpless baby. The failure, self doubt, and envy of others shook me to my core. I felt like I couldn’t escape reminders of how my body failed me. When I had my second loss, I lost all faith. Looking back, I think I just went into autopilot. Three months later, we got pregnant with Veda. I was excited but extremely cautious and anxious. Every week was another milestone achieved but I was cognizant of what I had to lose. When I got far enough along, I tracked the rates of survival like a hawk, trying to find an “appropriate” time where I could let myself celebrate what was happening. I don’t believe I did until she was in my arms. I realize how messed up that is but it’s the nature of miscarriage. Now, I don’t think a day has gone by where I haven’t looked at her and cried tears of happiness. I didn’t know I could ever feel this full, grateful and in love. It was all worth it. I’d live through it a million times over. I just wish that if anyone out there goes through something similar, keep faith in yourself and ignore the BS around you. The journey sucks, and miscarriage is SO common, but you just need to grab onto those you love and try to keep faith. #ihadamiscarriage#lifeafterloss#rainbowbaby#miscarriage#1in4