Growing Pains I'm feeling discontent and lost again in my photography. My head is in a fog and I'm disoriented. I'm conflicted about doing conceptual work as opposed to capturing and sharing a real moment in time. I am sentimental to a fault and love the idea of turning memories into something tangible, but I'm not doing that. Conceptual self-portraits have allowed me to explore my internal landscapes which has been a powerful form of therapy, but I am wanting to speak more truths with the images themselves. I thought by now I would have a consistent body of work and a consistent voice, but I scroll through my images and I see a hodgepodge of work, like dried macaroni noodles glued to the same piece of construction paper as a finger painting. I recognize that this is a growing pain, as I've had these uncomfortable moments in the past, but I'm ready to be all grown up now and know for certain what I'm doing. Or does that ever come? Thank you to the beautiful model @denillium
Few days ago I shared with you a story of my friend who was sexually abused as a child and then as an adult. I'd like to share what it feels like to share something like that with the world for the first time. Jonathan was anxious and seated on his bed for three hours waiting what's going to happen, afraid to open all the numerous messages from friends and family. I got a message from his mother. I can't even imagine what a mother would feel when a child went through all that. He shared with her before he shared with the world. We talked almost all night long. He said it's strange to share his own story rather than some fairy tales he would create in his imagination. He used to write but then he stopped a while ago. He said he doesn't know how to make friends with all that information now accepted, not avoided like it used to be. I do my best to extend his circle of male friends. After what happened it will take a while until he learns how to trust men again. And the next day? He sent me his new short story that he wrote shortly after. I'm reading right now. It's about love. It has a sad ending but it has so much love in it. Love.